Nothing can change who I am in Christ. Think about that. NOTHING can change who I am in CHRIST.
Sometimes I struggle with the idea of being a statistic. I'm one of those women who swore it wouldn't happen to me. But here I sit--a divorced, single mom. It's hard for me not to place my identity in that. I wanted to give up on my dreams when everything fell apart for me. I wanted to hang my head in shame and walk a pathway of pity and brokenness. I wanted to give up on myself...because I had failed.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul talks about his weaknesses as a thorn in the flesh.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
I believe one of the thorns in my flesh for the rest of my life will be the fact that I'm divorced. It will follow me wherever I go. To some, I may not appear to be as "spiritual" as I once was. To others, I may not be qualified to hold certain leadership positions. When I look at myself, all I see is one gigantic mess. My failures, that I assume will define who I am, threaten to steal my joy.
But when my heavenly Father looks at me, he doesn't see me the way you may see me. He doesn't see me the way I see myself. He doesn't see my failed marriage. He doesn't see me as the exhausted mom who yells at her kids. He doesn't see my mistakes. He doesn't see any of the poor choices I make on a daily basis.
Do you know what He sees when He looks at me? He sees my Saviour, His very own Son, hanging on a cross to pay for my mess. The blood He shed on that cross covers me...past, present, and future. If I choose to live in shame and pity for the rest of my life, all that does is devalue the sacrifice my Heavenly Father provided for me!
In Romans, Paul talks about his struggle with sin.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)
I'm certain that all of us would admit to having this same struggle. It's a daily battle for me! I'm learning, though, that it's not so much about whether we make the right choice every time. Of course, God desires for us to make choices that honor Him. There's no question about that.
But when it comes down to it and I make a bad decision or I fail at something, I don't think God is very concerned with my failure. I honestly believe God is more interested in what I do next.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. (Romans 8:1-3)
God sent His son to free me from the law, but in order to be free I have to live like I'm free! A prisoner doesn't get out of jail and lock himself in his house, yet as a Christian I spend so much time living as a prisoner. I beat myself over the head every time I fall. I struggle to get back up.
I've realized I can't live a dejected life because I'm divorced. I can't spend the rest of my life trying to fix my mess. God fixed it at all at the cross. Now all I have to do is bask in the freedom and security He has showered on me! I'm making an intentional step today. I'm done diminishing the value of the cross. I'm going to break free from the prison I've created for myself and live the life of JOY God intended.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Lesson #2 from Haiti...
Have you ever sensed God speaking to your heart and telling you to do something? When I was in third grade, my mom and dad told us we were moving from Ohio to Wisconsin because they felt like that's what God wanted. I remember asking how God spoke to them, and my mom explained that he "spoke to their hearts."
I didn't understand it until I was older, but I get it now. It's kind of like a tugging deep down in my heart...something I typically try to ignore at first. I felt this tug over a year ago when my sister was planning a trip to Haiti. She organized a family mission trip, and I knew I was supposed to go. I sensed it so strongly that I bought a plane ticket. But guess what I did at the last minute! I chickened out! As the trip drew near, I got nervous. I didn't know if it would be safe. I had four kids to think about. I didn't have the rest of the money I needed for a passport or the accommodations in Haiti. Oh, trust me....I came up with plenty of excuses.
And I didn't go.
So what...right? What's the big deal?
Well, after going to Haiti in November, I realized that the result of a trip like that isn't a feeling of satisfaction. It's not about patting ourselves on the back for helping a few Haitians with building projects. It's not about congratulating ourselves on the 40 pounds of soap we were able to pass out. It's not about feeling good because we did a good deed.
No. For me, this trip was about what God taught me!
Those sweet Haitian children showed me what pure joy is all about. They giggled and laughed and didn't seem to have a care in the world.
The two pastors we worked with demonstrated pure unselfishness. They spend all of their extra time and money helping others, while they themselves are barely scraping by.
Sweet Dieney (our 12-year-old translator) taught me that I shouldn't call people crazy ("because it says that in the Bible") and that I should be happy with my fair complexion because God made me this way. (This was after Amy Jo and I mentioned that we wanted to stay in the sun so we could be dark like him.)
So, what's the big deal about not going last summer? Now that I've been to Haiti, I've realized that I missed out on some serious blessings God probably had in store for me on that trip. Because I allowed the enemy to get in my head and discourage me, I totally missed out. And even though I've experienced Haiti now, I'll never be able to get that trip with my family back. It's over and done, and I missed it.
I never want to let that happen again! I pray that my heart will always be sensitive to God's leading. I don't ever want to miss His call or the blessings he has in store when I obey that call.
What about you? Is there something God is calling you to do but you're making excuses for why it can't be done? If God's calling you, there is a way. Feel that tug and follow Him. I promise you won't regret it.
I didn't understand it until I was older, but I get it now. It's kind of like a tugging deep down in my heart...something I typically try to ignore at first. I felt this tug over a year ago when my sister was planning a trip to Haiti. She organized a family mission trip, and I knew I was supposed to go. I sensed it so strongly that I bought a plane ticket. But guess what I did at the last minute! I chickened out! As the trip drew near, I got nervous. I didn't know if it would be safe. I had four kids to think about. I didn't have the rest of the money I needed for a passport or the accommodations in Haiti. Oh, trust me....I came up with plenty of excuses.
And I didn't go.
So what...right? What's the big deal?
Well, after going to Haiti in November, I realized that the result of a trip like that isn't a feeling of satisfaction. It's not about patting ourselves on the back for helping a few Haitians with building projects. It's not about congratulating ourselves on the 40 pounds of soap we were able to pass out. It's not about feeling good because we did a good deed.
No. For me, this trip was about what God taught me!
Those sweet Haitian children showed me what pure joy is all about. They giggled and laughed and didn't seem to have a care in the world.
The two pastors we worked with demonstrated pure unselfishness. They spend all of their extra time and money helping others, while they themselves are barely scraping by.
Sweet Dieney (our 12-year-old translator) taught me that I shouldn't call people crazy ("because it says that in the Bible") and that I should be happy with my fair complexion because God made me this way. (This was after Amy Jo and I mentioned that we wanted to stay in the sun so we could be dark like him.)
So, what's the big deal about not going last summer? Now that I've been to Haiti, I've realized that I missed out on some serious blessings God probably had in store for me on that trip. Because I allowed the enemy to get in my head and discourage me, I totally missed out. And even though I've experienced Haiti now, I'll never be able to get that trip with my family back. It's over and done, and I missed it.
I never want to let that happen again! I pray that my heart will always be sensitive to God's leading. I don't ever want to miss His call or the blessings he has in store when I obey that call.
What about you? Is there something God is calling you to do but you're making excuses for why it can't be done? If God's calling you, there is a way. Feel that tug and follow Him. I promise you won't regret it.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Lesson #1 from Haiti...
As we worked in the village of Boudet in Criox-des-Bouquet, Haiti, the girls of the group decided to wander into the field to take some pictures. Amy Jo, Estania, Morgan, and I chatted excitedly as we walked toward the tall grass with the beautiful mountainous backdrop. As we jumped and posed (with Ben watching from the house, since he wouldn't let us out of his sight), some Haitian boys wandered up. We began to speak to them, but little was understood between the group since we spoke very little Creole. We learned names and that was about it.
Then, a young boy wandered up to us.
"I speak English," he said. I think we literally jumped up and down at that point! We learned that he was 12 years old and attended a Christian school that taught English. As we chatted with him about his life and family, we tried to include the other boys in the conversation.
"Mwen grangou!" The oldest Haitian looked at us with frustration because we didn't understand what he said. I turned to Dieney, our new English-speaking Haitian friend, and asked what this man had said.
"He say he hungry," Dieney explained. The other three girls and I looked at each other, not knowing what to say. We knew we had some food in our backpack, but we also knew how carefully we had rationed our food for the week since we had decided to bring all of our own food and water to avoid any chance of getting cholera.
"We've got some candy!" Morgan piped up. "I'll be right back!" Morgan returned a few minutes later and passed out tootsie rolls to the five boys standing in front of us.
"Merci," they all replied. They devoured the candy in a matter of seconds, and the oldest one who had spoken of his hunger first said something else in Creole.
"What did he say this time?" we asked Dieney.
"He say this is the first food he ate all day," Dieney replied.
We hung our heads in sadness and shame.
"Maybe we can give them our peanut butter and crackers," Morgan suggested. She hurried back to the house to see what Ben thought about that idea. She returned a few minutes later with the food in her hands. The Haitians' eyes lit up at the sight of the simple snack we had brought.
"Merci!" We heard the word over and over as they divided the crackers among themselves. Morgan tried to explain to them that they could put the peanut butter on the crackers, but Dieney explained that their hands were dirty. After running to the house one more time, Morgan returned with some hand sanitizer. The boys all washed their hands and began to dip the crackers in the peanut butter. No one hogged it. No one pushed to get more. No one yelled. They quietly shared the snack and continually repeated the Creole word for thank you...Merci.
I thought about all the times my kids have fought over snacks--everyone wanting the last bite, the biggest half, the best snack. In front of me stood five boys who probably rarely had three meals a day (maybe not even one!), and they shared like they had a gourmet meal waiting at home. As Americans, our "stuff" has made us a greedy nation. The more we get, the more we want. It made me sick to realize I have contributed this attitude in my own kids. "Stuff" isn't the answer. I saw proof of that in Haiti. The people there have absolutely nothing, but they are still happy. Joy radiates from their faces...a joy that can only come from the Lord. If I could somehow train my kids to base their happiness on that inner joy rather than the outer "stuff", I believe my family would be much more content. The problem with this is that I don't always have that joy in my own life, so how can I pass it on to them? I'll never get it perfect as long as I live in this world, but I will be praying for that joy on a daily basis now.
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Phil. 4:11
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..." Romans 15:13
Then, a young boy wandered up to us.
"I speak English," he said. I think we literally jumped up and down at that point! We learned that he was 12 years old and attended a Christian school that taught English. As we chatted with him about his life and family, we tried to include the other boys in the conversation.
"Mwen grangou!" The oldest Haitian looked at us with frustration because we didn't understand what he said. I turned to Dieney, our new English-speaking Haitian friend, and asked what this man had said.
"He say he hungry," Dieney explained. The other three girls and I looked at each other, not knowing what to say. We knew we had some food in our backpack, but we also knew how carefully we had rationed our food for the week since we had decided to bring all of our own food and water to avoid any chance of getting cholera.
"We've got some candy!" Morgan piped up. "I'll be right back!" Morgan returned a few minutes later and passed out tootsie rolls to the five boys standing in front of us.
"Merci," they all replied. They devoured the candy in a matter of seconds, and the oldest one who had spoken of his hunger first said something else in Creole.
"What did he say this time?" we asked Dieney.
"He say this is the first food he ate all day," Dieney replied.
We hung our heads in sadness and shame.
"Maybe we can give them our peanut butter and crackers," Morgan suggested. She hurried back to the house to see what Ben thought about that idea. She returned a few minutes later with the food in her hands. The Haitians' eyes lit up at the sight of the simple snack we had brought.
"Merci!" We heard the word over and over as they divided the crackers among themselves. Morgan tried to explain to them that they could put the peanut butter on the crackers, but Dieney explained that their hands were dirty. After running to the house one more time, Morgan returned with some hand sanitizer. The boys all washed their hands and began to dip the crackers in the peanut butter. No one hogged it. No one pushed to get more. No one yelled. They quietly shared the snack and continually repeated the Creole word for thank you...Merci.
I thought about all the times my kids have fought over snacks--everyone wanting the last bite, the biggest half, the best snack. In front of me stood five boys who probably rarely had three meals a day (maybe not even one!), and they shared like they had a gourmet meal waiting at home. As Americans, our "stuff" has made us a greedy nation. The more we get, the more we want. It made me sick to realize I have contributed this attitude in my own kids. "Stuff" isn't the answer. I saw proof of that in Haiti. The people there have absolutely nothing, but they are still happy. Joy radiates from their faces...a joy that can only come from the Lord. If I could somehow train my kids to base their happiness on that inner joy rather than the outer "stuff", I believe my family would be much more content. The problem with this is that I don't always have that joy in my own life, so how can I pass it on to them? I'll never get it perfect as long as I live in this world, but I will be praying for that joy on a daily basis now.
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Phil. 4:11
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..." Romans 15:13
Monday, November 8, 2010
Information VS Transformation
Have you ever had one of those days where God spoke to you in so many ways that you couldn't ignore Him? The random reminders from my weekend have led me to this empty screen with the cursor blinking in front of me. My head is full of so many thoughts with so little organization. So before I go any further, I am asking God to speak through me.
Lord, give me the words to share my heart with clarity. Give me the courage to be vulnerable and the wisdom to voice what You have laid on my heart.
I spent the weekend with my best friend who recently moved to Dothan, three hours away. I was blessed to worship with her family at their new church and listened to very inspiring lessons in their Life Groups and in the church service. The first thing that snatched me up from my daydreaming was when Brother Van said, "We're not here for information. We're here for transformation." Wow. How many of us can really say we go to church to be transformed? How many of us sit in the pews and jot down a few notes so we can say we listened without ever taking to heart what God has spoken? I know I'm guilty of thatsometimes most of the time. I'm tired of going to church to play the role of "Christian." I think we have enough people trying out for that part in the Play of Life. I'd like to be different.
So how can we do that? First of all, what would set us apart and make us stand out as someone who really comes to church looking for transformation? And then, how do we get there? Brother Van clarified this for me. We have to invest in people. SPLASH is the acronym he shared. Show People Love And Share Him. If I want to be transformed I have to make it a point to love people, even when it's hard. I think the only way to do that is to pray for a transformation in our hearts--not just once, but on a daily basis! I am going to beg God to change my heart. I feel like I've wasted so much time investing in things that don't matter. I sometimes spend hours on Facebook, when I could be out connecting with someone face-to-face and making a difference in someone's life. I'm praying God will change me from the inside out, starting with my heart. When my heart has changed, my actions will reflect those changes.
I am the first one to call others out on this subject of actions matching up with words, and I've discovered I'm just as guilty of this discrepancy. I spend so many Sundays in church, but very few of them are more than informational meetings for me. I gather information that I can file away in my head, but how often am I letting these things soak into my heart? If I'm honest, it's not very often. I can make it seem like I've absorbed the information, but I think that's because I've gotten pretty amazing at acting. Maybe I should move to Hollywood and get a role on the big screen playing a Christian. :-)
So my resolution is to start from here and make a change. I want to be transformed, and I want to invest in people. I could wallow in regret over the time I've already wasted, but that will only waste more time! Like the Addison Road song says, "Every moment is a second chance at starting over." So this is my moment and this is my new start.
Lord, give me the words to share my heart with clarity. Give me the courage to be vulnerable and the wisdom to voice what You have laid on my heart.
I spent the weekend with my best friend who recently moved to Dothan, three hours away. I was blessed to worship with her family at their new church and listened to very inspiring lessons in their Life Groups and in the church service. The first thing that snatched me up from my daydreaming was when Brother Van said, "We're not here for information. We're here for transformation." Wow. How many of us can really say we go to church to be transformed? How many of us sit in the pews and jot down a few notes so we can say we listened without ever taking to heart what God has spoken? I know I'm guilty of that
So how can we do that? First of all, what would set us apart and make us stand out as someone who really comes to church looking for transformation? And then, how do we get there? Brother Van clarified this for me. We have to invest in people. SPLASH is the acronym he shared. Show People Love And Share Him. If I want to be transformed I have to make it a point to love people, even when it's hard. I think the only way to do that is to pray for a transformation in our hearts--not just once, but on a daily basis! I am going to beg God to change my heart. I feel like I've wasted so much time investing in things that don't matter. I sometimes spend hours on Facebook, when I could be out connecting with someone face-to-face and making a difference in someone's life. I'm praying God will change me from the inside out, starting with my heart. When my heart has changed, my actions will reflect those changes.
I am the first one to call others out on this subject of actions matching up with words, and I've discovered I'm just as guilty of this discrepancy. I spend so many Sundays in church, but very few of them are more than informational meetings for me. I gather information that I can file away in my head, but how often am I letting these things soak into my heart? If I'm honest, it's not very often. I can make it seem like I've absorbed the information, but I think that's because I've gotten pretty amazing at acting. Maybe I should move to Hollywood and get a role on the big screen playing a Christian. :-)
So my resolution is to start from here and make a change. I want to be transformed, and I want to invest in people. I could wallow in regret over the time I've already wasted, but that will only waste more time! Like the Addison Road song says, "Every moment is a second chance at starting over." So this is my moment and this is my new start.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
September Randomness
Tonight I have so many things on my heart that need to be documented. There will be no rhyme or reason to this post...just random thoughts I've had today.
First, I thought today about all the "unknowns" I've conquered this past year:
1. God gave me peace and courage to change a situation I felt was out of my control. Divorce is definitely not part of God's perfect will for anyone, but His grace is sufficient to carry me through it. I am now a statistic (something I wanted to avoid at all costs), but God's peace surpasses all understanding. Along with this came the unknown of being a single mom. That's probably the most unglamorous stereotype I've ever been labeled, but I wear it proudly. My kids are the one (or four, if you want to get technical) thing that keeps me willing to face unknowns.
2. I stepped out into the unknown world of university life! I've put this off for so long simply because I was nervous about being one of those obnoxious "older" students.I'm pretty sure I've succeeded at fooling everyone into believing I'm just a "normal" student. And I really love college! (Although, I'm ready to finish ASAP.)
3. I re-entered the working world and added the unknown insurance world to my list of conquerables. If someone had told me back in April that I would know what 100/300/100 means or that I would actually be a licensed insurance producer by August, I don't think I would have believed them. God has blessed me with an incredible job, working with amazing people (including my sister).
4. I drove to Atlanta with my four munchkins and conquered the unknown of traveling alone with four grumpy kids! :-) No, actually, they were great, and the whole trip empowered me and helped me to realize I can do this!!
5. There are many more--new elementary school, new friendships, changed friendships, emotions I've never felt before, vulnerability--you name it, I'm pretty sure I've covered it this year. If not, then I'm sure God has new "unknowns" waiting just around the corner. :-)
My other random subject deals with my precious kids. Last night was awful! (Keep reading to get to the good part.) Hunter had a rough night and didn't want to go to bed. He's a little too much like his mama and stresses out about grades if they're not all A's. I was hoping he had slept it off, but much to my chagrin he woke up just as grumpy this morning. Being a mom stresses me out! It got to the point where I literally threw my hands up and said, "I don't know what to do."
Much to my surprise, Hunter came home from school a different kid. As I was getting ready to tuck the kids in bed, Hunter said, "Mom, we should read the Bible before we go to bed." Of course, I told him that was a great idea, so he read us a whole chapter of Colossians. How sweet to hear his little voice read the Word of God as his brothers and sister listened. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes. We ended the night by singing songs together and I could only marvel at God's perfect timing. He knew I was at my wit's end...and he used my 9-year-old son to encourage me. I'm so amazed...and so thankful.
Life isn't perfect, but life is definitely good.
First, I thought today about all the "unknowns" I've conquered this past year:
1. God gave me peace and courage to change a situation I felt was out of my control. Divorce is definitely not part of God's perfect will for anyone, but His grace is sufficient to carry me through it. I am now a statistic (something I wanted to avoid at all costs), but God's peace surpasses all understanding. Along with this came the unknown of being a single mom. That's probably the most unglamorous stereotype I've ever been labeled, but I wear it proudly. My kids are the one (or four, if you want to get technical) thing that keeps me willing to face unknowns.
2. I stepped out into the unknown world of university life! I've put this off for so long simply because I was nervous about being one of those obnoxious "older" students.I'm pretty sure I've succeeded at fooling everyone into believing I'm just a "normal" student. And I really love college! (Although, I'm ready to finish ASAP.)
3. I re-entered the working world and added the unknown insurance world to my list of conquerables. If someone had told me back in April that I would know what 100/300/100 means or that I would actually be a licensed insurance producer by August, I don't think I would have believed them. God has blessed me with an incredible job, working with amazing people (including my sister).
4. I drove to Atlanta with my four munchkins and conquered the unknown of traveling alone with four grumpy kids! :-) No, actually, they were great, and the whole trip empowered me and helped me to realize I can do this!!
5. There are many more--new elementary school, new friendships, changed friendships, emotions I've never felt before, vulnerability--you name it, I'm pretty sure I've covered it this year. If not, then I'm sure God has new "unknowns" waiting just around the corner. :-)
My other random subject deals with my precious kids. Last night was awful! (Keep reading to get to the good part.) Hunter had a rough night and didn't want to go to bed. He's a little too much like his mama and stresses out about grades if they're not all A's. I was hoping he had slept it off, but much to my chagrin he woke up just as grumpy this morning. Being a mom stresses me out! It got to the point where I literally threw my hands up and said, "I don't know what to do."
Much to my surprise, Hunter came home from school a different kid. As I was getting ready to tuck the kids in bed, Hunter said, "Mom, we should read the Bible before we go to bed." Of course, I told him that was a great idea, so he read us a whole chapter of Colossians. How sweet to hear his little voice read the Word of God as his brothers and sister listened. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes. We ended the night by singing songs together and I could only marvel at God's perfect timing. He knew I was at my wit's end...and he used my 9-year-old son to encourage me. I'm so amazed...and so thankful.
Life isn't perfect, but life is definitely good.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Lighting Up My Corner
At a Bible study I attended last night, the four of us there decided we are frustrated and sickened by the world we live in. The more knowledge we gain about our economy, politics, government, or any other topic, the more depressing it can be. We all agreed we have to keep ourselves from focusing on the temporary things of this life and focus on eternity. We were created as eternal beings, and the more time passes the more I realize how important it is to maintain an eternal focus. On my way to work this morning I heard the awesome song Natalie Grant sings called "Human". It was just another reminder that we need to take advantage of every moment on this earth to make a difference for eternity. Here's the chorus:
We gotta do better than this cuz we only got
one chance to make a difference.
We gotta do better than this cuz we only got
one life that we've been given.
A little love, a little kindness, a little light in this time of darkness--
It'll be what makes us different. It'll be what makes us human.
I'm human. You're human, We are human.
Instead of getting depressed, we need to be a little light in the darkness! I'm taking this as a challenge to light up my small corner of the world. Will you accept the challenge, too?
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
We gotta do better than this cuz we only got
one chance to make a difference.
We gotta do better than this cuz we only got
one life that we've been given.
A little love, a little kindness, a little light in this time of darkness--
It'll be what makes us different. It'll be what makes us human.
I'm human. You're human, We are human.
Instead of getting depressed, we need to be a little light in the darkness! I'm taking this as a challenge to light up my small corner of the world. Will you accept the challenge, too?
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Holding Pattern
A few weekends ago I was able to fly to Wisconsin to visit some old friends. Despite the horrible delays, I thoroughly enjoyed my flights. On my flight from Pensacola to Atlanta, we had to fly a holding pattern before we were able to land.
Have you ever felt as if your life was in a holding pattern? Maybe you are waiting for that perfect job. Or your finances aren't quite in order. Or you can't wait to be married. Or you're busy raising kids. Maybe you don't really know what it is you're waiting for...but you're circling through life desperately waiting for change.
I've been flying in cirlces lately. Don't get me wrong...life is good. I've been through some major changes in the last year, and God has carried me the whole way. My frustrations stem from the fact that I want to do more, be more, and serve more. My schedule as a full-time student and working mom can be overwhelming. There aren't enough hours in the day to do laundry, let alone find time to serve my Savior in some grand way. I have to admit my thoughts have gone something like this lately:
Once I finish school, then I can find out where God wants to use me.
My kids are too young. I'll have to wait until they're older to make a difference.
I don't have enough money to make a difference.
I can barely keep up with my own responsibilites. How can God use me if I'm exhausted?
I'll have to wait until I have more time to serve God the way my heart desires.
I can't really serve God until my heart is more focused on Him.
And do you know what's happening as these thoughts run through my head? I'm becoming more and more frustrated. My heart is burning with desire--a desire to make a difference. And I'm steadily making excuses about why I can't do that right now. It's my holding pattern.
God doesn't always work the way we expect. I'm sure we would all love for God to open some major door right in front of us and present the opportunity that would make us feel as if we were accomplishing something great for our Savior. But God just wants to use us where we are! He's been whispering to my heart about this lately, and it hit me today that I am in contact with more people on a daily basis now than I ever have been! What an amazing opportunity for me to serve my Savior! Whether it's on the campus of the University of South Alabama or behind my desk at Farmers Insurance or even in my own home, God can use my passions for His glory if I am willing. If I constantly look to the future and where I want to serve someday, then I'll completely miss out on the here and now.
Opportunities to serve don't always come as big mahogony doors that swing wide open. Sometimes an opportunity appears in the form of a cracked window and we have to gradually pry it open until it's wide enough to crawl through it. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm ready to stop making excuses. I'm going to get out of this holding pattern by crawling through the window. Who's with me? :-)
"Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them..." Romans 12:6
Have you ever felt as if your life was in a holding pattern? Maybe you are waiting for that perfect job. Or your finances aren't quite in order. Or you can't wait to be married. Or you're busy raising kids. Maybe you don't really know what it is you're waiting for...but you're circling through life desperately waiting for change.
I've been flying in cirlces lately. Don't get me wrong...life is good. I've been through some major changes in the last year, and God has carried me the whole way. My frustrations stem from the fact that I want to do more, be more, and serve more. My schedule as a full-time student and working mom can be overwhelming. There aren't enough hours in the day to do laundry, let alone find time to serve my Savior in some grand way. I have to admit my thoughts have gone something like this lately:
Once I finish school, then I can find out where God wants to use me.
My kids are too young. I'll have to wait until they're older to make a difference.
I don't have enough money to make a difference.
I can barely keep up with my own responsibilites. How can God use me if I'm exhausted?
I'll have to wait until I have more time to serve God the way my heart desires.
I can't really serve God until my heart is more focused on Him.
And do you know what's happening as these thoughts run through my head? I'm becoming more and more frustrated. My heart is burning with desire--a desire to make a difference. And I'm steadily making excuses about why I can't do that right now. It's my holding pattern.
God doesn't always work the way we expect. I'm sure we would all love for God to open some major door right in front of us and present the opportunity that would make us feel as if we were accomplishing something great for our Savior. But God just wants to use us where we are! He's been whispering to my heart about this lately, and it hit me today that I am in contact with more people on a daily basis now than I ever have been! What an amazing opportunity for me to serve my Savior! Whether it's on the campus of the University of South Alabama or behind my desk at Farmers Insurance or even in my own home, God can use my passions for His glory if I am willing. If I constantly look to the future and where I want to serve someday, then I'll completely miss out on the here and now.
Opportunities to serve don't always come as big mahogony doors that swing wide open. Sometimes an opportunity appears in the form of a cracked window and we have to gradually pry it open until it's wide enough to crawl through it. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm ready to stop making excuses. I'm going to get out of this holding pattern by crawling through the window. Who's with me? :-)
"Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them..." Romans 12:6
Monday, July 26, 2010
A Season of Hope
"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25
This verse has been popping up in front of me lately. Does that ever happen to you? All of a sudden the same verse keeps showing up out of the blue? When this happens to me, it usually means the verse contains a truth I need to hear. I'm sure I've read this verse hundreds of times. I mean, after all, it precedes a verse that we all know: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (verse 28).
So, although, I'm sure I've read it before, I don't think I really heard it until recently. At the stage of life I'm in now, reading this verse made me think about Christmas as a kid. I don't know about you, but Christmas was always my favorite time of year. After Thanksgiving, I could hardly stand the anticipation as I waited eagerly for Christmas. I daydreamed about the new toys I would get, wondering if I would get the things I had asked Santa to bring me. The days seemed to pass so slowly, and Christmas Eve was torturous. The excitement that led up to Christmas morning was almost more than I could bear.
But when that special day finally arrived, the anticipation was over in an instant. Now, don't get me wrong. It was always a magical day. My mom had a special way of arranging our presents under the tree with just a few presents left unwrapped. And we weren't allowed to just tear into presents like most kids. We had to sit patiently while we watched each sibling open presents from youngest to oldest. Most Christmases that one special gift was under the tree--the one I wanted more than anything else.
So, you see, it wasn't that I didn't have special Christmases. The disappointment came when I realized that the anticipation of Christmas was more exciting than the actual day. Even when I got the presents I wanted, I usually got tired of playing with them. Or the new clothes I got didn't fit. Or a toy broke after one use. I'll never forget the year my brother got a small remote control helicopter that flew somewhere around 80 feet high. It was the coolest toy ever. We all gathered around and watched as he flew it high into the sky. We could barely see it as it towered over the trees. Suddenly, it ran out of gas and plummeted to the ground. Where it landed, we'll never know. It was fun while it lasted, but it sure didn't last long. :-)
So, what's the point? I've come to realize a season of hope can be more exciting than the anticipated event awaiting on the other side. I am in a season full of hope right now. My future is wide open and a little uncertain. I have goals--lots of them! I imagine the day in December of 2011 when I will walk across the stage and receive the degree I've been working toward. I hope for a job doing something I love after graduation. I dream of the day I can buy a home again. I long to go on a mission trip to an orphanage. I even anticipate the day I can consider adopting again. If I already had everything lined up perfectly in my life, the anticipation of these things would be over...much like Christmas afternoon. God can always plant new hopes in my heart, and I fully expect that He will over the years. However, I seem to be living in a season of hope right now. A few weeks ago I looked at this in a negative light, but after reading this verse several times, I am embracing this thought! Why would I hope for something I already have? Instead of feeling sad about this season of life I'm going to have an attitude of hope as I anticipte all the wonderful things my Savior has in store for me. The sky isn't the limit...it's just the beginning. I'm ready to soar!
This verse has been popping up in front of me lately. Does that ever happen to you? All of a sudden the same verse keeps showing up out of the blue? When this happens to me, it usually means the verse contains a truth I need to hear. I'm sure I've read this verse hundreds of times. I mean, after all, it precedes a verse that we all know: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (verse 28).
So, although, I'm sure I've read it before, I don't think I really heard it until recently. At the stage of life I'm in now, reading this verse made me think about Christmas as a kid. I don't know about you, but Christmas was always my favorite time of year. After Thanksgiving, I could hardly stand the anticipation as I waited eagerly for Christmas. I daydreamed about the new toys I would get, wondering if I would get the things I had asked Santa to bring me. The days seemed to pass so slowly, and Christmas Eve was torturous. The excitement that led up to Christmas morning was almost more than I could bear.
But when that special day finally arrived, the anticipation was over in an instant. Now, don't get me wrong. It was always a magical day. My mom had a special way of arranging our presents under the tree with just a few presents left unwrapped. And we weren't allowed to just tear into presents like most kids. We had to sit patiently while we watched each sibling open presents from youngest to oldest. Most Christmases that one special gift was under the tree--the one I wanted more than anything else.
So, you see, it wasn't that I didn't have special Christmases. The disappointment came when I realized that the anticipation of Christmas was more exciting than the actual day. Even when I got the presents I wanted, I usually got tired of playing with them. Or the new clothes I got didn't fit. Or a toy broke after one use. I'll never forget the year my brother got a small remote control helicopter that flew somewhere around 80 feet high. It was the coolest toy ever. We all gathered around and watched as he flew it high into the sky. We could barely see it as it towered over the trees. Suddenly, it ran out of gas and plummeted to the ground. Where it landed, we'll never know. It was fun while it lasted, but it sure didn't last long. :-)
So, what's the point? I've come to realize a season of hope can be more exciting than the anticipated event awaiting on the other side. I am in a season full of hope right now. My future is wide open and a little uncertain. I have goals--lots of them! I imagine the day in December of 2011 when I will walk across the stage and receive the degree I've been working toward. I hope for a job doing something I love after graduation. I dream of the day I can buy a home again. I long to go on a mission trip to an orphanage. I even anticipate the day I can consider adopting again. If I already had everything lined up perfectly in my life, the anticipation of these things would be over...much like Christmas afternoon. God can always plant new hopes in my heart, and I fully expect that He will over the years. However, I seem to be living in a season of hope right now. A few weeks ago I looked at this in a negative light, but after reading this verse several times, I am embracing this thought! Why would I hope for something I already have? Instead of feeling sad about this season of life I'm going to have an attitude of hope as I anticipte all the wonderful things my Savior has in store for me. The sky isn't the limit...it's just the beginning. I'm ready to soar!
Friday, July 16, 2010
He Fought For Me
"I just wish someone would fight for me!" It almost sounds silly to me now, but these words actually came from my own mouth. Have you ever felt like someone gave up on you too soon? A parent? A spouse? A friend?
Well, I can say that I have felt this way. Rejected. Replaced. Used. And it hit me recently that maybe all I really need is for someone to fight for me. Treasure me. Protect me. Prove their love by going the distance, even when I'm unlovable.
As I wallowed in self-pity the other night, I realized that I was acting in a way that wasn't very becoming. I knew I was being selfish. Stubborn. Unlovable. Childish, even. Sometimes it's easy to recognize when I'm acting this way, but that doesn't mean it's easy to change my attitude. I've even given myself pep talks before. They go something like this:
Sensible Me: "Trisha, come on. You know you're acting silly. Cheer up. You have a lot of things for which you can be thankful."
Pitiful Me: "But life's not fair. I never thought I'd have to walk this path. I'm tired of being strong. I just want to feel sorry for myself right now."
Sensible Me: "Life isn't fair. Isn't that what you tell the kids all the time? That doesn't mean you should sit around and mope. Get up and do something. Make a change. You don't have to be strong. God will carry you."
So what do I do? Yep. I usually mope some more. It's just easier that way.
But on this particular night, I turned on some music, because music speaks to my soul. I just need to do some soul searching when I get in these moods. I pulled up a song on Youtube that is one of my favorites from long ago.
Love Song by Third Day
I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise?
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain,
But I walked the hill of Calvary.
Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves.
All of those dreams are an empty emotion.
It can never be done.
I've never swam the deepest ocean,
But I walked upon the raging sea.
Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.
I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love.
How I died upon the cross for your sins.
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I give you,
But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I gave everything.
Yes, I gave my life away.
Just to be with you.
That's when it hit me! Someone did fight for me! When I was unlovable, selfish, stubborn and childish, not only did Jesus fight for me, He gave His life for me. In light of that, should it really matter if I ever find someone on earth willing to fight for me? Honestly, even if I felt like someone was willing to fight for me, they would still be human. They would still make mistakes. They would still hurt me. That's why I have to learn to get my validation from my Savior...not from anyone or anything on this earth. Otherwise, I'm simply setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointments and mopey days.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3
I'm glad I wrote this. The next time I have a pity party, I'll be sure to log on and read this again. I need reminders on a regular basis. :-)
Well, I can say that I have felt this way. Rejected. Replaced. Used. And it hit me recently that maybe all I really need is for someone to fight for me. Treasure me. Protect me. Prove their love by going the distance, even when I'm unlovable.
As I wallowed in self-pity the other night, I realized that I was acting in a way that wasn't very becoming. I knew I was being selfish. Stubborn. Unlovable. Childish, even. Sometimes it's easy to recognize when I'm acting this way, but that doesn't mean it's easy to change my attitude. I've even given myself pep talks before. They go something like this:
Sensible Me: "Trisha, come on. You know you're acting silly. Cheer up. You have a lot of things for which you can be thankful."
Pitiful Me: "But life's not fair. I never thought I'd have to walk this path. I'm tired of being strong. I just want to feel sorry for myself right now."
Sensible Me: "Life isn't fair. Isn't that what you tell the kids all the time? That doesn't mean you should sit around and mope. Get up and do something. Make a change. You don't have to be strong. God will carry you."
So what do I do? Yep. I usually mope some more. It's just easier that way.
But on this particular night, I turned on some music, because music speaks to my soul. I just need to do some soul searching when I get in these moods. I pulled up a song on Youtube that is one of my favorites from long ago.
Love Song by Third Day
I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise?
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain,
But I walked the hill of Calvary.
Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves.
All of those dreams are an empty emotion.
It can never be done.
I've never swam the deepest ocean,
But I walked upon the raging sea.
Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.
I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love.
How I died upon the cross for your sins.
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I give you,
But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I gave everything.
Yes, I gave my life away.
Just to be with you.
That's when it hit me! Someone did fight for me! When I was unlovable, selfish, stubborn and childish, not only did Jesus fight for me, He gave His life for me. In light of that, should it really matter if I ever find someone on earth willing to fight for me? Honestly, even if I felt like someone was willing to fight for me, they would still be human. They would still make mistakes. They would still hurt me. That's why I have to learn to get my validation from my Savior...not from anyone or anything on this earth. Otherwise, I'm simply setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointments and mopey days.
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3
I'm glad I wrote this. The next time I have a pity party, I'll be sure to log on and read this again. I need reminders on a regular basis. :-)
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Running into Spider Webs
If you've read the previous blog, you know that Amy Jo and I didn't make our run together this morning. However, I decided to get out and run anyway. I knew I wouldn't have time for three miles, but I figured even half of that would be better than nothing.
I turned on my music and started my brisk walk to the subdivision across the street. The sun was beating down on my back, and it felt so good to be working up a sweat. I felt like I was on a good path. While adjusting to a new schedule of working full-time, my pattern of running three or four times a week had been interrupted. This was a new day, a new week, and I was getting back on track.
I started jogging, and suddenly, something caught me right across the face! The thread of a spider web stuck to my lip as I sputtered and spit, trying to grab the invisible string. I finally broke free and glanced around, hoping I didn't have any spectators.
As I continued on my run, I couldn't help but apply this spider web incident to my life. So many times, just when I think I'm on the right path--ready for a new day--Satan throws a spider web in my path. Its invisible threads bind me and keep me flailing as I try desperately to break free. These traps always seem to appear at the most inopportune times...times when I feel like I finally have it all together. I guess that's why God tells us to be prepared. In I Peter 5, we are warned that the devil is looking for people he can devour.
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." (I Peter 5:8-9)
As Christians, we need to realize that there will never be a time when we "arrive" and no longer struggle with sin or shame or life's issues. As long as we live in this broken and fallen world, we will have struggles. Satan will continue to throw fiery darts our way. But God's word also tells us how to withstand the "spider webs" thrown in our path. Ephesians 6 gives us instructions for putting on the armor of God.
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Eph. 6:10-17)
So...for me, this morning, that silly little spider web gave me a new outlook on life. There are traps all around me. Many times they are invisble. Sometimes they even appear to be good. I need to make sure that I am constantly prepared to stand against them, and the only way to do that is to be sure I am grounded in God's word.
Before I run tomorrow, I will be spending some time reading my Bible. It may not keep me from running into a spider web, but perhaps it will help me to run through one without sputtering like a fool. :-)
I turned on my music and started my brisk walk to the subdivision across the street. The sun was beating down on my back, and it felt so good to be working up a sweat. I felt like I was on a good path. While adjusting to a new schedule of working full-time, my pattern of running three or four times a week had been interrupted. This was a new day, a new week, and I was getting back on track.
I started jogging, and suddenly, something caught me right across the face! The thread of a spider web stuck to my lip as I sputtered and spit, trying to grab the invisible string. I finally broke free and glanced around, hoping I didn't have any spectators.
As I continued on my run, I couldn't help but apply this spider web incident to my life. So many times, just when I think I'm on the right path--ready for a new day--Satan throws a spider web in my path. Its invisible threads bind me and keep me flailing as I try desperately to break free. These traps always seem to appear at the most inopportune times...times when I feel like I finally have it all together. I guess that's why God tells us to be prepared. In I Peter 5, we are warned that the devil is looking for people he can devour.
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." (I Peter 5:8-9)
As Christians, we need to realize that there will never be a time when we "arrive" and no longer struggle with sin or shame or life's issues. As long as we live in this broken and fallen world, we will have struggles. Satan will continue to throw fiery darts our way. But God's word also tells us how to withstand the "spider webs" thrown in our path. Ephesians 6 gives us instructions for putting on the armor of God.
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Eph. 6:10-17)
So...for me, this morning, that silly little spider web gave me a new outlook on life. There are traps all around me. Many times they are invisble. Sometimes they even appear to be good. I need to make sure that I am constantly prepared to stand against them, and the only way to do that is to be sure I am grounded in God's word.
Before I run tomorrow, I will be spending some time reading my Bible. It may not keep me from running into a spider web, but perhaps it will help me to run through one without sputtering like a fool. :-)
Sleepy Sisters
I need to start this blog by confessing that I stood my sister up this morning. We had planned our run all day yesterday. Now...keep in mind that Amy Jo really likes her sleep. On the days that she doesn't have to be at work until 9:30, she typically sleeps until 9:00. (She amazes me with her ability to shower and just walk out the door. I guess that's the blessing of straight hair that doesn't dry into a big Christmas tree on top of your head.)
So, anyway, we had planned to meet at my place to run around 7:30 this morning. I told her she better have Ben (her husband) wake her up so she didn't oversleep. She assured me that she would be up.
I awoke with a start this morning when I saw that the sun was up. In that fuzzy haze before I was fully aware of the day and what I needed to do, I thought I was late for something. When I saw that it was only 6:00, I remembered that I didn't need to be up for another hour. I snuggled back under the covers thinking that I would just snooze until Amy Jo got to my place. I woke up a few times over the next couple hours only to close my eyes again, thinking how nice it was that I could actually sleep in. When 8:00 rolled around, I noticed that Amy had sent me a text around 7:30 telling me that she would be at my place soon. I got up and replied to her text. I dressed and went outside, waiting in the driveway for Amy to arrive. That's when I got the text that said she had already been to my house and saw me sleeping so soundly that she didn't want to wake me. :-)
Now, THAT is a sweet sister. Knowing that my days of sleeping past 6 AM are pretty much over, she chose to let me sleep...even though she had crawled out of her cozy bed and driven to my house prepared to run. I felt horrible, but she assured me that she didn't mind going back home to crawl in bed for another hour.
Maybe we'll try again tomorrow. :-)
So, anyway, we had planned to meet at my place to run around 7:30 this morning. I told her she better have Ben (her husband) wake her up so she didn't oversleep. She assured me that she would be up.
I awoke with a start this morning when I saw that the sun was up. In that fuzzy haze before I was fully aware of the day and what I needed to do, I thought I was late for something. When I saw that it was only 6:00, I remembered that I didn't need to be up for another hour. I snuggled back under the covers thinking that I would just snooze until Amy Jo got to my place. I woke up a few times over the next couple hours only to close my eyes again, thinking how nice it was that I could actually sleep in. When 8:00 rolled around, I noticed that Amy had sent me a text around 7:30 telling me that she would be at my place soon. I got up and replied to her text. I dressed and went outside, waiting in the driveway for Amy to arrive. That's when I got the text that said she had already been to my house and saw me sleeping so soundly that she didn't want to wake me. :-)
Now, THAT is a sweet sister. Knowing that my days of sleeping past 6 AM are pretty much over, she chose to let me sleep...even though she had crawled out of her cozy bed and driven to my house prepared to run. I felt horrible, but she assured me that she didn't mind going back home to crawl in bed for another hour.
Maybe we'll try again tomorrow. :-)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Reaching Up...
I was watching something on TV the other day--I can't even remember if it was a commercial or a show--and all I remember was seeing a mother hug her grown son. She stood on her toes, reached up, and wrapped her arms around his neck. In that instant I envisioned my own sons as grown men and tears filled my eyes.
I remember the day that I become a mother so vividly. I remember looking at Hunter's tiny features and wondering what he would look like as a little boy. What would his voice sound like? Would he be tall? Would he be a good athlete? Would he like to sing? I stared at him proudly as his tiny nostrils flared, and I thought, His "little boy days" are so far away.
As that image from the TV replays in my mind, I think about Hunter. He informed me the other day that he will be a pre-teen on his next brithday, since he'll be ten years old. The "little boy days" have come and gone. Where have the last ten years gone? And what am I doing to insure that my kids have good memories of their childhood?
I fear that I have failed terribly most days. As I yell at Jayden for the orange juice spill, I worry that these are the memories he'll carry with him. When I ignore Mason's request to help me cook dinner because I'm in a hurry to finish, I'm afraid that denial will be burned in his mind. When Kyla asks to sleep in my bed and I tell her no, I'm afraid she won't remember the times I've said yes. When Hunter asks me to play kickball and I'm too busy editing pictures, I fear that he'll only have memories of me sitting in front of the computer.
Since I've started working full-time, I've felt so torn. There are only a few hours each night to spend with my babies before bedtime, and my to-do lists are always so long. Many times I choose my list over quality time with my kids, but I'm praying that God will work a miracle in me! I don't want that day to sneak up on me...you know...the day where I have to reach up to hug my babies instead of reaching down. I want to get plenty of hugs while they still have to reach up to me. I'm praying that God will remind me every day of how precious these days are, because I don't want to miss a thing!
I remember the day that I become a mother so vividly. I remember looking at Hunter's tiny features and wondering what he would look like as a little boy. What would his voice sound like? Would he be tall? Would he be a good athlete? Would he like to sing? I stared at him proudly as his tiny nostrils flared, and I thought, His "little boy days" are so far away.
As that image from the TV replays in my mind, I think about Hunter. He informed me the other day that he will be a pre-teen on his next brithday, since he'll be ten years old. The "little boy days" have come and gone. Where have the last ten years gone? And what am I doing to insure that my kids have good memories of their childhood?
I fear that I have failed terribly most days. As I yell at Jayden for the orange juice spill, I worry that these are the memories he'll carry with him. When I ignore Mason's request to help me cook dinner because I'm in a hurry to finish, I'm afraid that denial will be burned in his mind. When Kyla asks to sleep in my bed and I tell her no, I'm afraid she won't remember the times I've said yes. When Hunter asks me to play kickball and I'm too busy editing pictures, I fear that he'll only have memories of me sitting in front of the computer.
Since I've started working full-time, I've felt so torn. There are only a few hours each night to spend with my babies before bedtime, and my to-do lists are always so long. Many times I choose my list over quality time with my kids, but I'm praying that God will work a miracle in me! I don't want that day to sneak up on me...you know...the day where I have to reach up to hug my babies instead of reaching down. I want to get plenty of hugs while they still have to reach up to me. I'm praying that God will remind me every day of how precious these days are, because I don't want to miss a thing!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Seasons...
"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Today must be a blogging-kind-of-day, because here I sit, once again, with words in my heart that long to escape by way of my head. So, my mind wanders and my fingers fly across the keys on my laptop as I contemplate seasons tonight.
Seasons. What comes to mind when you hear that word? Do you imagine cold, harsh winters with a blanket of snow on the ground? Or maybe you picture the flowers peeking through the green grass as spring unfolds before you. Perhaps the crisp, fall air comes to mind, with leaves gently falling to the ground in a golden rainbow of earthly colors. For those of us who live in the south, maybe the humid days of summer are remembered when we hear this word.
It doesn't matter which season you think about when you hear this word. What matters is that you recognize that with each season comes a change. A change in temparature, a change in color, a change in scenery, a change in smells.
For some reason, we, as humans, don't like change. We want to follow the same routine day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. But God has not made us for this! His own word declares that there is a season for everything. A time to laugh and a time to cry. A time to love and a time to hate. A time to mourn and a time to dance. So why do we fight change so much?
God has used circumstances in my life recently to teach me a little bit about seasons. I had been looking for a job, hoping to find the perfect one that would fit into my school schedule and still allow me to be available for my kids as much as possible. When the absolutely perfect job fell in my lap, I suddenly wasn't so sure I wanted to make that change. After all, I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 10 years! How would I handle not being able to pick up my kids after school? And what about field trips? What about my morning coffee with my best friend?
These were all things that wouldn't be a part of my new season of life. And honestly, I spent some time mourning the season that was ending. I took a day to pray about the job (or to be more accurate, I cried about the job), and then decided that since I didn't have a choice, I was going to EMBRACE the new season that stood before me. Rather than looking back and wishing for the fresh breeze and colorful buds of spring, I'm going to throw my hands in the air, look toward the sky, spin around, and feel the heat of the summer sun beat down on my face. I'm going to turn and run toward this change with a song in my heart.
God is teaching me that change is usually hard...but it's not always a bad thing. So let's remember this: It's okay to mourn the end of a season, but then we need to get up and dance our way into the next season that God has set before us!
Brand New Endings...
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~Anonymous
This quote has made me ponder today. I'm at a point in my life where I never thought I would end up. You know...you dream of a beautiful wedding, a few kids, a cute house with a yard. But one day you wake up to a new reality. You find yourself as a single mom of four beautiful children, trying to finish college, work full-time, and pay off mounds of debt. It would be so easy to ask, "Why?" but instead, I'm trying to ask "Why not?"
What if my life HAD gone exactly as I planned? What if I woke up every day to a reality like the ones we see on TV? The things I've faced in the last several years have made me stronger...made me who I am today. So why would I question the things that are stretching me and making me lean on my Savior? We all tend to complain when faced with trials but God's Word tells us to do otherwise.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
So, from now on I will do my best to be joyful...even in the trials. I'm trying to remember that God sees the big picture, while I only see a little piece of the puzzle, and He is using these trials to make me perfect and complete. I can't go back and make a brand new start. But God has showered me with the grace and mercy I need to start right now and make a brand new ending. How can I complain in light of that? :-)
This quote has made me ponder today. I'm at a point in my life where I never thought I would end up. You know...you dream of a beautiful wedding, a few kids, a cute house with a yard. But one day you wake up to a new reality. You find yourself as a single mom of four beautiful children, trying to finish college, work full-time, and pay off mounds of debt. It would be so easy to ask, "Why?" but instead, I'm trying to ask "Why not?"
What if my life HAD gone exactly as I planned? What if I woke up every day to a reality like the ones we see on TV? The things I've faced in the last several years have made me stronger...made me who I am today. So why would I question the things that are stretching me and making me lean on my Savior? We all tend to complain when faced with trials but God's Word tells us to do otherwise.
"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4
So, from now on I will do my best to be joyful...even in the trials. I'm trying to remember that God sees the big picture, while I only see a little piece of the puzzle, and He is using these trials to make me perfect and complete. I can't go back and make a brand new start. But God has showered me with the grace and mercy I need to start right now and make a brand new ending. How can I complain in light of that? :-)
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