Nothing can change who I am in Christ. Think about that. NOTHING can change who I am in CHRIST.
Sometimes I struggle with the idea of being a statistic. I'm one of those women who swore it wouldn't happen to me. But here I sit--a divorced, single mom. It's hard for me not to place my identity in that. I wanted to give up on my dreams when everything fell apart for me. I wanted to hang my head in shame and walk a pathway of pity and brokenness. I wanted to give up on myself...because I had failed.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul talks about his weaknesses as a thorn in the flesh.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
I believe one of the thorns in my flesh for the rest of my life will be the fact that I'm divorced. It will follow me wherever I go. To some, I may not appear to be as "spiritual" as I once was. To others, I may not be qualified to hold certain leadership positions. When I look at myself, all I see is one gigantic mess. My failures, that I assume will define who I am, threaten to steal my joy.
But when my heavenly Father looks at me, he doesn't see me the way you may see me. He doesn't see me the way I see myself. He doesn't see my failed marriage. He doesn't see me as the exhausted mom who yells at her kids. He doesn't see my mistakes. He doesn't see any of the poor choices I make on a daily basis.
Do you know what He sees when He looks at me? He sees my Saviour, His very own Son, hanging on a cross to pay for my mess. The blood He shed on that cross covers me...past, present, and future. If I choose to live in shame and pity for the rest of my life, all that does is devalue the sacrifice my Heavenly Father provided for me!
In Romans, Paul talks about his struggle with sin.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)
I'm certain that all of us would admit to having this same struggle. It's a daily battle for me! I'm learning, though, that it's not so much about whether we make the right choice every time. Of course, God desires for us to make choices that honor Him. There's no question about that.
But when it comes down to it and I make a bad decision or I fail at something, I don't think God is very concerned with my failure. I honestly believe God is more interested in what I do next.
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. (Romans 8:1-3)
God sent His son to free me from the law, but in order to be free I have to live like I'm free! A prisoner doesn't get out of jail and lock himself in his house, yet as a Christian I spend so much time living as a prisoner. I beat myself over the head every time I fall. I struggle to get back up.
I've realized I can't live a dejected life because I'm divorced. I can't spend the rest of my life trying to fix my mess. God fixed it at all at the cross. Now all I have to do is bask in the freedom and security He has showered on me! I'm making an intentional step today. I'm done diminishing the value of the cross. I'm going to break free from the prison I've created for myself and live the life of JOY God intended.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Lesson #2 from Haiti...
Have you ever sensed God speaking to your heart and telling you to do something? When I was in third grade, my mom and dad told us we were moving from Ohio to Wisconsin because they felt like that's what God wanted. I remember asking how God spoke to them, and my mom explained that he "spoke to their hearts."
I didn't understand it until I was older, but I get it now. It's kind of like a tugging deep down in my heart...something I typically try to ignore at first. I felt this tug over a year ago when my sister was planning a trip to Haiti. She organized a family mission trip, and I knew I was supposed to go. I sensed it so strongly that I bought a plane ticket. But guess what I did at the last minute! I chickened out! As the trip drew near, I got nervous. I didn't know if it would be safe. I had four kids to think about. I didn't have the rest of the money I needed for a passport or the accommodations in Haiti. Oh, trust me....I came up with plenty of excuses.
And I didn't go.
So what...right? What's the big deal?
Well, after going to Haiti in November, I realized that the result of a trip like that isn't a feeling of satisfaction. It's not about patting ourselves on the back for helping a few Haitians with building projects. It's not about congratulating ourselves on the 40 pounds of soap we were able to pass out. It's not about feeling good because we did a good deed.
No. For me, this trip was about what God taught me!
Those sweet Haitian children showed me what pure joy is all about. They giggled and laughed and didn't seem to have a care in the world.
The two pastors we worked with demonstrated pure unselfishness. They spend all of their extra time and money helping others, while they themselves are barely scraping by.
Sweet Dieney (our 12-year-old translator) taught me that I shouldn't call people crazy ("because it says that in the Bible") and that I should be happy with my fair complexion because God made me this way. (This was after Amy Jo and I mentioned that we wanted to stay in the sun so we could be dark like him.)
So, what's the big deal about not going last summer? Now that I've been to Haiti, I've realized that I missed out on some serious blessings God probably had in store for me on that trip. Because I allowed the enemy to get in my head and discourage me, I totally missed out. And even though I've experienced Haiti now, I'll never be able to get that trip with my family back. It's over and done, and I missed it.
I never want to let that happen again! I pray that my heart will always be sensitive to God's leading. I don't ever want to miss His call or the blessings he has in store when I obey that call.
What about you? Is there something God is calling you to do but you're making excuses for why it can't be done? If God's calling you, there is a way. Feel that tug and follow Him. I promise you won't regret it.
I didn't understand it until I was older, but I get it now. It's kind of like a tugging deep down in my heart...something I typically try to ignore at first. I felt this tug over a year ago when my sister was planning a trip to Haiti. She organized a family mission trip, and I knew I was supposed to go. I sensed it so strongly that I bought a plane ticket. But guess what I did at the last minute! I chickened out! As the trip drew near, I got nervous. I didn't know if it would be safe. I had four kids to think about. I didn't have the rest of the money I needed for a passport or the accommodations in Haiti. Oh, trust me....I came up with plenty of excuses.
And I didn't go.
So what...right? What's the big deal?
Well, after going to Haiti in November, I realized that the result of a trip like that isn't a feeling of satisfaction. It's not about patting ourselves on the back for helping a few Haitians with building projects. It's not about congratulating ourselves on the 40 pounds of soap we were able to pass out. It's not about feeling good because we did a good deed.
No. For me, this trip was about what God taught me!
Those sweet Haitian children showed me what pure joy is all about. They giggled and laughed and didn't seem to have a care in the world.
The two pastors we worked with demonstrated pure unselfishness. They spend all of their extra time and money helping others, while they themselves are barely scraping by.
Sweet Dieney (our 12-year-old translator) taught me that I shouldn't call people crazy ("because it says that in the Bible") and that I should be happy with my fair complexion because God made me this way. (This was after Amy Jo and I mentioned that we wanted to stay in the sun so we could be dark like him.)
So, what's the big deal about not going last summer? Now that I've been to Haiti, I've realized that I missed out on some serious blessings God probably had in store for me on that trip. Because I allowed the enemy to get in my head and discourage me, I totally missed out. And even though I've experienced Haiti now, I'll never be able to get that trip with my family back. It's over and done, and I missed it.
I never want to let that happen again! I pray that my heart will always be sensitive to God's leading. I don't ever want to miss His call or the blessings he has in store when I obey that call.
What about you? Is there something God is calling you to do but you're making excuses for why it can't be done? If God's calling you, there is a way. Feel that tug and follow Him. I promise you won't regret it.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Lesson #1 from Haiti...
As we worked in the village of Boudet in Criox-des-Bouquet, Haiti, the girls of the group decided to wander into the field to take some pictures. Amy Jo, Estania, Morgan, and I chatted excitedly as we walked toward the tall grass with the beautiful mountainous backdrop. As we jumped and posed (with Ben watching from the house, since he wouldn't let us out of his sight), some Haitian boys wandered up. We began to speak to them, but little was understood between the group since we spoke very little Creole. We learned names and that was about it.
Then, a young boy wandered up to us.
"I speak English," he said. I think we literally jumped up and down at that point! We learned that he was 12 years old and attended a Christian school that taught English. As we chatted with him about his life and family, we tried to include the other boys in the conversation.
"Mwen grangou!" The oldest Haitian looked at us with frustration because we didn't understand what he said. I turned to Dieney, our new English-speaking Haitian friend, and asked what this man had said.
"He say he hungry," Dieney explained. The other three girls and I looked at each other, not knowing what to say. We knew we had some food in our backpack, but we also knew how carefully we had rationed our food for the week since we had decided to bring all of our own food and water to avoid any chance of getting cholera.
"We've got some candy!" Morgan piped up. "I'll be right back!" Morgan returned a few minutes later and passed out tootsie rolls to the five boys standing in front of us.
"Merci," they all replied. They devoured the candy in a matter of seconds, and the oldest one who had spoken of his hunger first said something else in Creole.
"What did he say this time?" we asked Dieney.
"He say this is the first food he ate all day," Dieney replied.
We hung our heads in sadness and shame.
"Maybe we can give them our peanut butter and crackers," Morgan suggested. She hurried back to the house to see what Ben thought about that idea. She returned a few minutes later with the food in her hands. The Haitians' eyes lit up at the sight of the simple snack we had brought.
"Merci!" We heard the word over and over as they divided the crackers among themselves. Morgan tried to explain to them that they could put the peanut butter on the crackers, but Dieney explained that their hands were dirty. After running to the house one more time, Morgan returned with some hand sanitizer. The boys all washed their hands and began to dip the crackers in the peanut butter. No one hogged it. No one pushed to get more. No one yelled. They quietly shared the snack and continually repeated the Creole word for thank you...Merci.
I thought about all the times my kids have fought over snacks--everyone wanting the last bite, the biggest half, the best snack. In front of me stood five boys who probably rarely had three meals a day (maybe not even one!), and they shared like they had a gourmet meal waiting at home. As Americans, our "stuff" has made us a greedy nation. The more we get, the more we want. It made me sick to realize I have contributed this attitude in my own kids. "Stuff" isn't the answer. I saw proof of that in Haiti. The people there have absolutely nothing, but they are still happy. Joy radiates from their faces...a joy that can only come from the Lord. If I could somehow train my kids to base their happiness on that inner joy rather than the outer "stuff", I believe my family would be much more content. The problem with this is that I don't always have that joy in my own life, so how can I pass it on to them? I'll never get it perfect as long as I live in this world, but I will be praying for that joy on a daily basis now.
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Phil. 4:11
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..." Romans 15:13
Then, a young boy wandered up to us.
"I speak English," he said. I think we literally jumped up and down at that point! We learned that he was 12 years old and attended a Christian school that taught English. As we chatted with him about his life and family, we tried to include the other boys in the conversation.
"Mwen grangou!" The oldest Haitian looked at us with frustration because we didn't understand what he said. I turned to Dieney, our new English-speaking Haitian friend, and asked what this man had said.
"He say he hungry," Dieney explained. The other three girls and I looked at each other, not knowing what to say. We knew we had some food in our backpack, but we also knew how carefully we had rationed our food for the week since we had decided to bring all of our own food and water to avoid any chance of getting cholera.
"We've got some candy!" Morgan piped up. "I'll be right back!" Morgan returned a few minutes later and passed out tootsie rolls to the five boys standing in front of us.
"Merci," they all replied. They devoured the candy in a matter of seconds, and the oldest one who had spoken of his hunger first said something else in Creole.
"What did he say this time?" we asked Dieney.
"He say this is the first food he ate all day," Dieney replied.
We hung our heads in sadness and shame.
"Maybe we can give them our peanut butter and crackers," Morgan suggested. She hurried back to the house to see what Ben thought about that idea. She returned a few minutes later with the food in her hands. The Haitians' eyes lit up at the sight of the simple snack we had brought.
"Merci!" We heard the word over and over as they divided the crackers among themselves. Morgan tried to explain to them that they could put the peanut butter on the crackers, but Dieney explained that their hands were dirty. After running to the house one more time, Morgan returned with some hand sanitizer. The boys all washed their hands and began to dip the crackers in the peanut butter. No one hogged it. No one pushed to get more. No one yelled. They quietly shared the snack and continually repeated the Creole word for thank you...Merci.
I thought about all the times my kids have fought over snacks--everyone wanting the last bite, the biggest half, the best snack. In front of me stood five boys who probably rarely had three meals a day (maybe not even one!), and they shared like they had a gourmet meal waiting at home. As Americans, our "stuff" has made us a greedy nation. The more we get, the more we want. It made me sick to realize I have contributed this attitude in my own kids. "Stuff" isn't the answer. I saw proof of that in Haiti. The people there have absolutely nothing, but they are still happy. Joy radiates from their faces...a joy that can only come from the Lord. If I could somehow train my kids to base their happiness on that inner joy rather than the outer "stuff", I believe my family would be much more content. The problem with this is that I don't always have that joy in my own life, so how can I pass it on to them? I'll never get it perfect as long as I live in this world, but I will be praying for that joy on a daily basis now.
"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content." Phil. 4:11
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit..." Romans 15:13
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