What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God’s gift to man. Ecclesiastes 3:9-13
"Sometimes, it's hard to see how God can make this beautiful again."
These are the words my wise, sweet, younger sister spoke to me as I was facing the most difficult season of my life last year. With a divorce on the horizon, the responsibility of four children, and plans to start back to college, I felt like my life was far from beautiful--it was a complete mess. I had no savings, no steady income, and was in debt up to my eyeballs. I was stressed, depressed, and exhausted. Completely overwhelmed at the thought of starting over on my own, I decided the only way to do it was to jump in head first.
I did just that--moved into a new place, started school, started a new job, and just started plugging away at life. It has been a year full of changes. I've kept my schedule completely booked, not allowing myself think too far ahead for fear of becoming overwhelmed. I've had to face my life one day at a time...one hour at a time...sometimes even one minute at a time.
As my college career will be coming to an end in the next few months, I've had to face the fact that there will be more changes ahead. I've had to read through my blogs to remind myself of the things God taught me about seasons over the last year so I will be ready to face the new one. And suddenly, I remembered the words of my sister.
Sometimes, it's still hard to see the big picture and figure out how God can piece my life back together and make it beautiful. When I think back to where I was last year and where I am today, not much has changed on the outside. I still live in the same apartment above my parents. I'm still running a mile a minute to keep up with my crazy schedule. I still struggle to balance work, school, and kids. But when I look at the work God has done in my heart, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude! Not only has He shown me how to depend on Him for my every need, He has helped me to overcome anger and bitterness, shown me how to forgive, and given me a joy I've never experienced. He has given me pleasure in all my toil, and just like verse 13 of Ecclesiastes 3 says, I honestly feel like it has been a gift from God. Without the goals I've been pursuing in front of me, I may have crumbled under the pressures of life.
Through all the trials of the last year, I've learned it's not my outward circumstances that produce joy or beauty in my life. It's only through God's peace and blessings that I will ever feel like my life is truly beautiful and, even then, I will always be a work in progress.
As this chapter of my life comes to a close and I face uncertainties once again, I will remind myself to trust Him. As I look for a place to live, search for a new job, take on new responsibilities, and continue being Mama to four precious kids, I will trust that He has a plan. And above all, I will remember that He makes all things beautiful in HIS time.
