He Paid for My Mess

Nothing can change who I am in Christ. Think about that. NOTHING can change who I am in CHRIST.

Sometimes I struggle with the idea of being a statistic. I'm one of those women who swore it wouldn't happen to me. But here I sit--a divorced, single mom. It's hard for me not to place my identity in that. I wanted to give up on my dreams when everything fell apart for me. I wanted to hang my head in shame and walk a pathway of pity and brokenness. I wanted to give up on myself...because I had failed.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul talks about his weaknesses as a thorn in the flesh.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I believe one of the thorns in my flesh for the rest of my life will be the fact that I'm divorced. It will follow me wherever I go. To some, I may not appear to be as "spiritual" as I once was. To others, I may not be qualified to hold certain leadership positions. When I look at myself, all I see is one gigantic mess. My failures, that I assume will define who I am, threaten to steal my joy.
 
But when my heavenly Father looks at me, he doesn't see me the way you may see me. He doesn't see me the way I see myself. He doesn't see my failed marriage. He doesn't see me as the exhausted mom who yells at her kids. He doesn't see my mistakes. He doesn't see any of the poor choices I make on a daily basis.
 
Do you know what He sees when He looks at me? He sees my Saviour, His very own Son, hanging on a cross to pay for my mess. The blood He shed on that cross covers me...past, present, and future. If I choose to live in shame and pity for the rest of my life, all that does is devalue the sacrifice my Heavenly Father provided for me!
 
In Romans, Paul talks about his struggle with sin.
 
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." (Romans 7:15)
 
I'm certain that all of us would admit to having this same struggle. It's a daily battle for me! I'm learning, though, that it's not so much about whether we make the right choice every time. Of course, God desires for us to make choices that honor Him. There's no question about that.
 
But when it comes down to it and I make a bad decision or I fail at something, I don't think God is very concerned with my failure. I honestly believe God is more interested in what I do next.
 
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. (Romans 8:1-3)

God sent His son to free me from the law, but in order to be free I have to live like I'm free! A prisoner doesn't get out of jail and lock himself in his house, yet as a Christian I spend so much time living as a prisoner. I beat myself over the head every time I fall. I struggle to get back up.

I've realized I can't live a dejected life because I'm divorced. I can't spend the rest of my life trying to fix my mess. God fixed it at all at the cross. Now all I have to do is bask in the freedom and security He has showered on me! I'm making an intentional step today. I'm done diminishing the value of the cross. I'm going to break free from the prison I've created for myself and live the life of JOY God intended.