A Season of Hope

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25

This verse has been popping up in front of me lately. Does that ever happen to you? All of a sudden the same verse keeps showing up out of the blue? When this happens to me, it usually means the verse contains a truth I need to hear. I'm sure I've read this verse hundreds of times. I mean, after all, it precedes a verse that we all know: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (verse 28).

So, although, I'm sure I've read it before, I don't think I really heard it until recently. At the stage of life I'm in now, reading this verse made me think about Christmas as a kid. I don't know about you, but Christmas was always my favorite time of year. After Thanksgiving, I could hardly stand the anticipation as I waited eagerly for Christmas. I daydreamed about the new toys I would get, wondering if I would get the things I had asked Santa to bring me. The days seemed to pass so slowly, and Christmas Eve was torturous. The excitement that led up to Christmas morning was almost more than I could bear.

But when that special day finally arrived, the anticipation was over in an instant. Now, don't get me wrong. It was always a magical day. My mom had a special way of arranging our presents under the tree with just a few presents left unwrapped. And we weren't allowed to just tear into presents like most kids. We had to sit patiently while we watched each sibling open presents from youngest to oldest. Most Christmases that one special gift was under the tree--the one I wanted more than anything else.

So, you see, it wasn't that I didn't have special Christmases. The disappointment came when I realized that the anticipation of Christmas was more exciting than the actual day. Even when I got the presents I wanted, I usually got tired of playing with them. Or the new clothes I got didn't fit. Or a toy broke after one use. I'll never forget the year my brother got a small remote control helicopter that flew somewhere around 80 feet high. It was the coolest toy ever. We all gathered around and watched as he flew it high into the sky. We could barely see it as it towered over the trees. Suddenly, it ran out of gas and plummeted to the ground. Where it landed, we'll never know. It was fun while it lasted, but it sure didn't last long. :-)

So, what's the point? I've come to realize a season of hope can be more exciting than the anticipated event awaiting on the other side. I am in a season full of hope right now. My future is wide open and a little uncertain. I have goals--lots of them! I imagine the day in December of 2011 when I will walk across the stage and receive the degree I've been working toward. I hope for a job doing something I love after graduation. I dream of the day I can buy a home again. I long to go on a mission trip to an orphanage. I even anticipate the day I can consider adopting again. If I already had everything lined up perfectly in my life, the anticipation of these things would be over...much like Christmas afternoon. God can always plant new hopes in my heart, and I fully expect that He will over the years. However, I seem to be living in a season of hope right now. A few weeks ago I looked at this in a negative light, but after reading this verse several times, I am embracing this thought! Why would I hope for something I already have? Instead of feeling sad about this season of life I'm going to have an attitude of hope as I anticipte all the wonderful things my Savior has in store for me. The sky isn't the limit...it's just the beginning. I'm ready to soar!

He Fought For Me

"I just wish someone would fight for me!" It almost sounds silly to me now, but these words actually came from my own mouth. Have you ever felt like someone gave up on you too soon? A parent? A spouse? A friend?

Well, I can say that I have felt this way. Rejected. Replaced. Used. And it hit me recently that maybe all I really need is for someone to fight for me. Treasure me. Protect me. Prove their love by going the distance, even when I'm unlovable.

As I wallowed in self-pity the other night, I realized that I was acting in a way that wasn't very becoming. I knew I was being selfish. Stubborn. Unlovable. Childish, even. Sometimes it's easy to recognize when I'm acting this way, but that doesn't mean it's easy to change my attitude. I've even given myself pep talks before. They go something like this:

Sensible Me: "Trisha, come on. You know you're acting silly. Cheer up. You have a lot of things for which you can be thankful."

Pitiful Me: "But life's not fair. I never thought I'd have to walk this path. I'm tired of being strong. I just want to feel sorry for myself right now."

Sensible Me: "Life isn't fair. Isn't that what you tell the kids all the time? That doesn't mean you should sit around and mope. Get up and do something. Make a change. You don't have to be strong. God will carry you."

So what do I do? Yep. I usually mope some more. It's just easier that way.

But on this particular night, I turned on some music, because music speaks to my soul. I just need to do some soul searching when I get in these moods. I pulled up a song on Youtube that is one of my favorites from long ago.
   

Love Song by Third Day
I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves.
How many times has he broken that promise?
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain,
But I walked the hill of Calvary.

Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves.
All of those dreams are an empty emotion.
It can never be done.
I've never swam the deepest ocean,
But I walked upon the raging sea.

Just to be with you, I will do anything
There's no price I would not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I would give everything
I would give my life away.

I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love.
How I died upon the cross for your sins.
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I give you,
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay, no.
Just to be with you, I gave everything.
Yes, I gave my life away.
Just to be with you.


That's when it hit me! Someone did fight for me! When I was unlovable, selfish, stubborn and childish, not only did Jesus fight for me, He gave His life for me. In light of that, should it really matter if I ever find someone on earth willing to fight for me? Honestly, even if I felt like someone was willing to fight for me, they would still be human. They would still make mistakes. They would still hurt me. That's why I have to learn to get my validation from my Savior...not from anyone or anything on this earth. Otherwise, I'm simply setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointments and mopey days.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3

I'm glad I wrote this. The next time I have a pity party, I'll be sure to log on and read this again. I need reminders on a regular basis. :-)

Running into Spider Webs

If you've read the previous blog, you know that Amy Jo and I didn't make our run together this morning. However, I decided to get out and run anyway. I knew I wouldn't have time for three miles, but I figured even half of that would be better than nothing.

I turned on my music and started my brisk walk to the subdivision across the street. The sun was beating down on my back, and it felt so good to be working up a sweat. I felt like I was on a good path. While adjusting to a new schedule of working full-time, my pattern of running three or four times a week had been interrupted. This was a new day, a new week, and I was getting back on track.

I started jogging, and suddenly, something caught me right across the face! The thread of a spider web stuck to my lip as I sputtered and spit, trying to grab the invisible string. I finally broke free and glanced around, hoping I didn't have any spectators.

As I continued on my run, I couldn't help but apply this spider web incident to my life. So many times, just when I think I'm on the right path--ready for a new day--Satan throws a spider web in my path. Its invisible threads bind me and keep me flailing as I try desperately to break free. These traps always seem to appear at the most inopportune times...times when I feel like I finally have it all together. I guess that's why God tells us to be prepared. In I Peter 5, we are warned that the devil is looking for people he can devour.


"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world." (I Peter 5:8-9)

As Christians, we need to realize that there will never be a time when we "arrive" and no longer struggle with sin or shame or life's issues. As long as we live in this broken and fallen world, we will have struggles. Satan will continue to throw fiery darts our way. But God's word also tells us how to withstand the "spider webs" thrown in our path. Ephesians 6 gives us instructions for putting on the armor of God.

"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (Eph. 6:10-17)

So...for me, this morning, that silly little spider web gave me a new outlook on life. There are traps all around me. Many times they are invisble. Sometimes they even appear to be good. I need to make sure that I am constantly prepared to stand against them, and the only way to do that is to be sure I am grounded in God's word.

Before I run tomorrow, I will be spending some time reading my Bible. It may not keep me from running into a spider web, but perhaps it will help me to run through one without sputtering like a fool. :-)

Sleepy Sisters

I need to start this blog by confessing that I stood my sister up this morning. We had planned our run all day yesterday. Now...keep in mind that Amy Jo really likes her sleep. On the days that she doesn't have to be at work until 9:30, she typically sleeps until 9:00. (She amazes me with her ability to shower and just walk out the door. I guess that's the blessing of straight hair that doesn't dry into a big Christmas tree on top of your head.)

So, anyway, we had planned to meet at my place to run around 7:30 this morning. I told her she better have Ben (her husband) wake her up so she didn't oversleep. She assured me that she would be up.
I awoke with a start this morning when I saw that the sun was up. In that fuzzy haze before I was fully aware of the day and what I needed to do, I thought I was late for something. When I saw that it was only 6:00, I remembered that I didn't need to be up for another hour. I snuggled back under the covers thinking that I would just snooze until Amy Jo got to my place. I woke up a few times over the next couple hours only to close my eyes again, thinking how nice it was that I could actually sleep in. When 8:00 rolled around, I noticed that Amy had sent me a text around 7:30 telling me that she would be at my place soon. I got up and replied to her text. I dressed and went outside, waiting in the driveway for Amy to arrive. That's when I got the text that said she had already been to my house and saw me sleeping so soundly that she didn't want to wake me. :-)

Now, THAT is a sweet sister. Knowing that my days of sleeping past 6 AM are pretty much over, she chose to let me sleep...even though she had crawled out of her cozy bed and driven to my house prepared to run. I felt horrible, but she assured me that she didn't mind going back home to crawl in bed for another hour.

Maybe we'll try again tomorrow. :-)

Reaching Up...

I was watching something on TV the other day--I can't even remember if it was a commercial or a show--and all I remember was seeing a mother hug her grown son. She stood on her toes, reached up, and wrapped her arms around his neck. In that instant I envisioned my own sons as grown men and tears filled my eyes.

I remember the day that I become a mother so vividly. I remember looking at Hunter's tiny features and wondering what he would look like as a little boy. What would his voice sound like? Would he be tall? Would he be a good athlete? Would he like to sing? I stared at him proudly as his tiny nostrils flared, and I thought, His "little boy days" are so far away.

As that image from the TV replays in my mind, I think about Hunter. He informed me the other day that he will be a pre-teen on his next brithday, since he'll be ten years old. The "little boy days" have come and gone. Where have the last ten years gone? And what am I doing to insure that my kids have good memories of their childhood?

I fear that I have failed terribly most days. As I yell at Jayden for the orange juice spill, I worry that these are the memories he'll carry with him. When I ignore Mason's request to help me cook dinner because I'm in a hurry to finish, I'm afraid that denial will be burned in his mind. When Kyla asks to sleep in my bed and I tell her no, I'm afraid she won't remember the times I've said yes. When Hunter asks me to play kickball and I'm too busy editing pictures, I fear that he'll only have memories of me sitting in front of the computer.

Since I've started working full-time, I've felt so torn. There are only a few hours each night to spend with my babies before bedtime, and my to-do lists are always so long. Many times I choose my list over quality time with my kids, but I'm praying that God will work a miracle in me! I don't want that day to sneak up on me...you know...the day where I have to reach up to hug my babies instead of reaching down. I want to get plenty of hugs while they still have to reach up to me. I'm praying that God will remind me every day of how precious these days are, because I don't want to miss a thing!

Seasons...

"To everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Today must be a blogging-kind-of-day, because here I sit, once again, with words in my heart that long to escape by way of my head. So, my mind wanders and my fingers fly across the keys on my laptop as I contemplate seasons tonight.

Seasons. What comes to mind when you hear that word? Do you imagine cold, harsh winters with a blanket of snow on the ground? Or maybe you picture the flowers peeking through the green grass as spring unfolds before you. Perhaps the crisp, fall air comes to mind, with leaves gently falling to the ground in a golden rainbow of earthly colors. For those of us who live in the south, maybe the humid days of summer are remembered when we hear this word.

It doesn't matter which season you think about when you hear this word. What matters is that you recognize that with each season comes a change. A change in temparature, a change in color, a change in scenery, a change in smells.

For some reason, we, as humans, don't like change. We want to follow the same routine day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. But God has not made us for this! His own word declares that there is a season for everything. A time to laugh and a time to cry. A time to love and a time to hate. A time to mourn and a time to dance. So why do we fight change so much?

God has used circumstances in my life recently to teach me a little bit about seasons. I had been looking for a job, hoping to find the perfect one that would fit into my school schedule and still allow me to be available for my kids as much as possible. When the absolutely perfect job fell in my lap, I suddenly wasn't so sure I wanted to make that change. After all, I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost 10 years! How would I handle not being able to pick up my kids after school? And what about field trips? What about my morning coffee with my best friend?

These were all things that wouldn't be a part of my new season of life. And honestly, I spent some time mourning the season that was ending. I took a day to pray about the job (or to be more accurate, I cried about the job), and then decided that since I didn't have a choice, I was going to EMBRACE the new season that stood before me. Rather than looking back and wishing for the fresh breeze and colorful buds of spring, I'm going to throw my hands in the air, look toward the sky, spin around, and feel the heat of the summer sun beat down on my face. I'm going to turn and run toward this change with a song in my heart.

God is teaching me that change is usually hard...but it's not always a bad thing. So let's remember this: It's okay to mourn the end of a season, but then we need to get up and dance our way into the next season that God has set before us!

Brand New Endings...

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." ~Anonymous

This quote has made me ponder today. I'm at a point in my life where I never thought I would end up. You know...you dream of a beautiful wedding, a few kids, a cute house with a yard. But one day you wake up to a new reality. You find yourself as a single mom of four beautiful children, trying to finish college, work full-time, and pay off mounds of debt. It would be so easy to ask, "Why?" but instead, I'm trying to ask "Why not?"

What if my life HAD gone exactly as I planned? What if I woke up every day to a reality like the ones we see on TV? The things I've faced in the last several years have made me stronger...made me who I am today. So why would I question the things that are stretching me and making me lean on my Savior? We all tend to complain when faced with trials but God's Word tells us to do otherwise.

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1:2-4

So, from now on I will do my best to be joyful...even in the trials. I'm trying to remember that God sees the big picture, while I only see a little piece of the puzzle, and He is using these trials to make me perfect and complete. I can't go back and make a brand new start. But God has showered me with the grace and mercy I need to start right now and make a brand new ending. How can I complain in light of that? :-)