An open letter to my ex-husband on our anniversary...

I never imagined on that day 14 years ago when I said “I Do” that there would ever come a day when we spent October 9th not only apart, but divorced and living in different states.

But here we are, four years after our divorce, living separate lives completely “moved on” from one another. And while today holds some bittersweet memories, I can honestly say that I will never regret the years we spent together. Our marriage taught me some of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned.

I will never forget the way we worked so hard to build a house with our own hands and the satisfaction that came when we moved in it. Hard work definitely pays off. We’re both learning that even more with age.

I will forever remember the birth of each of our children and the way we fumbled through those early years with babies. I’m not sure how we kept our sanity with 4 little ones ages 5 and under. I will always be thankful for what a good daddy you were then and what a great dad you continue to be.

I will never forget the year we spent living 1000 miles away from our families and how much we grew up. We lived on pennies, but to this day it is the fondest year in my memory of our years together.

I will always be thankful for your patient spirit even though it sometimes drove me crazy. I’m pretty certain at times you were unusually calm just to get under my skin. But I can easily recognize it as one of your strengths.

I will never forget the joy we experienced together as we adopted our youngest son. If we had never married, who knows where he would be… Our firecracker. Our “all boy” boy. Our son who “looks just like daddy” according to the strangers we used to encounter on a daily basis. I don’t even want to think about how different his life would be without your love and influence.

I will fondly remember those times when you did everything you could just to make me happy. Even when we had no money, you found ways to surprise me with small gifts or a night away from the kids. 

I will always remember the ups and downs. The joy and sadness. The marriage that gave me a list of “must-have” items in case I ever decide to do it again.

I will never forget the heartache of broken dreams that taught me to hold loosely to the things of this world. We were young. We thought being married would make our lives perfect. But we didn’t realize we were entering the toughest battlefield on this earth.

Unfortunately, we lost that battle. But we didn’t lose the war! We will forever be connected because of the four beautiful children we parent together. It took some time, but I can finally say that we are friends and we truly work together to create a healthy environment for our kids even as a “broken” family. I am grateful for the love, the joy, the tears, and the pain… because through it all, I’ve become who I am today. And honestly, I think I’m pretty cool. :)

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Wife