You know what? I really don't like blogging. You might think I'm joking, but I'm not. Oh...I like writing. In fact, I love putting my thoughts on paper. I like organizing ideas into a neat little story. I enjoy looking back at what I've written and seeing how far I've come or how far I've fallen from where I used to be. It's a way to keep myself accountable.
What I don't like is posting it here for all to see. Vulnerability makes me queasy. Seriously. Every time I click the "post" button my stomach drops like I'm coming down the steepest hill on a roller coaster. Even now, as I type, my hands are a bit shaky. Most of the time, God lays things on my heart while I'm writing, so I never really know exactly how my blog will end. That, in itself, is a bit unnerving.
Well, today is no different. There are several things that have been on my heart lately, so as of this very moment I'm just praying for direction. As much as it makes me squirm, I've realized God has called me to a season of vulnerability. Those who know me best know that I hate being emotional. For me to post my innermost thoughts for anyone to read is nothing short of a miracle. But if God has called me to do this, then I have faith there is a reason.
I actually had some quiet time this morning. I am the world's worst about making excuses for why I can't read my Bible in the morning...but mostly I blame it on having four kids to get out the door by 7 a.m. Today, after dropping the kids off at school, I decided I was going to stop by Starbucks for a grande white mocha (my weakness) and realized if I could make time for coffee then I really should make time for God. I tucked myself into a corner of the store, put some music in my ears, opened my Bible, and sipped my coffee.
There were two passages that stuck out to me today, so that's the direction this blog is headed now. :-) The first one is in a chapter of Galatians that was a huge comfort to me last year at this time. I was facing the most difficult decision of my life and praying for truth to be revealed. I read chapter 5 of Galatians and felt God speaking to my heart. I had spent years trying to maintain an outward appearance of "spiritual" by adhering to a set of rules. I was in bondage. Suddenly, it was like I couldn't breathe. I felt as if I might die if I didn't get out from under the confusion that was my life.
In order to understand the power in theses verses you have to read the whole chapter, but I'm going to highlight one of my favorites.
"You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace." Galatians 5:4
Last January, I realized I had fallen from grace. I was tired of doing the song and dance...tired of maintaining appearances that meant absolutely nothing. I wanted the life I lived to be genuine...even if it looked like a total mess on the outside. I dove in head first and made some serious adjustments. I'm still so far from where I need to be, and my life still looks like a mess from the outside. But you know what? I'm okay with that because I know God is working in my heart to make me exactly what He wants me to be! I'm continually praying that I won't fall from grace again but will instead be confident standing in His grace.
"And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; but now you also must complete the doing of it..." 2 Corinthians 8:10
Wow. This one hit me right between the eyes this morning. I thought back to what I was desiring to do a year ago and started going over the list in my head. Have I completed the things I started or were they empty desires with no intentions of completion? There are definitely several things that I've at least begun to complete. But there are always those nagging ideas in the back of my head that I'm waiting to accomplish "someday." My family and friends know a few of these desires and continually encourage me to make them happen. So far I've been satisfied with the excuses I've given for not accomplishing these things, but I refuse to be content with excuses anymore.
One thing I've learned in my advertising and marketing classes is that strategy is everything. To implement any new idea you need a plan--a media strategy, a marketing strategy, a creative strategy--or your efforts will be pointless. Well, I've decided I need to implement that concept into my personal life as well. I need to design a plan, focus on my strategy for the next year, and then make it happen. I'm the worst planner and organizer EVER, but I'm not letting another year go by without tackling a few of these projects.
I'm keeping it secret for now...but I'll let you know in 2012 how it's coming. :-)
Oh...and thanks for reading my rambling thoughts. I'm blessed by your comments and emails more than you will ever know.
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